Susan Gorey

Psychotherapy and Conflict Resolution

The Dance of Harmony, Disharmony and Repair

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According to Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage, every relationship is an endless dance of harmony, disharmony, and repair.

The crunch is the place between disharmony and repair. It’s a space of huge vulnerability. Real writes that most couples lack a mechanism of correction and, instead, use one or more of five losing strategies. Where do you go when you’re in that space? 

1.  Being right. 

2.  Controlling your partner. 

3.  Unbridled self-expression. 

4.  Retaliation.

 5. Withdrawal.